The First Day to be Twenty Three.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I am most grateful for Heavenly Father's Love for Me.

"Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. ... He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken." - Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

The Spider Lesson

I wish I could speak with the Tongue of Angels or at least with the eloquence and enthusiasm of orators. Anyhow, I hope that my writing and words will be able to convey the things I feel and the lessons I have learned.

The Spider.

Friday, 12th of October, 2012. While I was in a meeting there was a spider running around the table. It was a small little thing, no bigger than my pinky nail. It was running along in front of me and I paid no mind to it and only glanced at it sometimes. One moment it was beside my cup and the next it was on the lip of my cup. I wasn't very worried since I had drunk the water out of the cup. I paid no attention to the spider. The next time I looked over it had fallen into the glass and was struggling in the water. *shock and horror* Behold, there was indeed water at the bottom of my glass. Apparently, I did not drink ALL the water. I would normally help struggling victims of misfortunes by somehow I figured it would survive. After all, it was a spider. They bite a boy and he turns into a spiderman! Aliens are usually shown to be Spiders! They were made to survive! Well, it continued to struggle in the shallow pool of water and I continued to disregard its plight. Finally, it stopped wiggling. Finally, it stopped fighting.

I frantically tried to save my poor spider. I separated it from the water, hoping that since there was no liquid poison surrounding it, it would arise and live again. Alas, it was too late.

As interesting as that story was, the feelings I had following that ordeal were interesting also. I was very very very sad. Especially at my inability to save the poor creature. I truly was disappointed with myself. I took this to be a lesson.

We should never allow ourselves to stand idly by as those we love and most especially those we can help are struggling, with no way out. There is not a lot of water but enough that when you're trapped, arms flailing, panic consumes, energy is wasted, and finally the last breath is drawn. 

For those spiders (or people) who are wise they will avoid those things they deem are dangerous. But in this case, the spider marched on into the glass exploring and daring. It went down deeper and deeper. Note: I will personify the spider here. He probably thought, there is little water there and not enough to drown me or kill me, so I will not worry. However, he did not take into account the tall walls that wrapped around him with no foothold or rope to get to the top. Before it was too late to turn back he slipped and fell in. As soon as he was in the water he struggled to get to the sides. Once he was on the side of the glass he met with the tall wall of Jericho, but stuck on the inside. The water soon turned into a tar pit for the spider. In essence, those things we deem to be beautiful beholding from above, entice us, call us to come down, drag us down to depths unknown, soon capture us, wastes us, and destroys us. 

All that glitters is not gold - J.R.R. Tolkien. 

Drugs look cool to the average teenager trying to find acceptance in her group of "friends". She thinks, if everyone else is in that glass of water, we'll all survive. False! There is always enough liquid poison to go around to enslave. Do not get caught in it! The same can be said for Alcohol, Tobacco, Gambling and other addictive vices. Worst of all is Pornography and sexual addictions. Avoid that stupid glass of almost gone water because your life DOES depend on it, little spider!

Give place no more for the enemy of my soul. - 2 Nephi 4:28

Then as the silly girl who allowed the spider to die. I committed the sin of Omission as opposed to Commission. Even though I didn't put the Spider in the glass I was just as guilty because I did not bring him out. You look around at the world around you and you wonder, how can I make a difference? Easy. Stop wondering and DO something about it. It's the commonly used service opportunity example - helping an old lady cross the street. It's the smile, hello, and would you like to come to a YSA activity that counts. It is giving hope to a friend who is going through depression. It is offering love, support, and kind words to a brother who's self esteem is falling. It is a well placed letter in someone's hands. When we see a friend who is desperately trying to keeping their head above water we need to help them out of the glass OR better yet shatter those walls by marching around 7 times. HeHe. Maybe not the story of Jericho but bring those walls down by giving them the greatest gift! That is:

The Gospel of Jesus Christ

For there are times that even though we care about them we may walk away from them. For example in a toxic relationship. There are also times that we must leave. For example, best friends separated by distance. Humans may walk away some intentionally and other unintentionally but the Heavenly Father remains. Would it not be wonderful to know that as you stand up to walk away from your meeting you can glance back and see that the spider is running around freely with no tar pit of addictions to hold him down or walls of doubt and sin to hold him in. God is our everlasting Father who will always be with us. For He has said:

"Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you" - Hebrews 13:5

Stranger still...

You might have noticed how abrupt and choppy my writing is and I do apologize for my lack of fluidity and coherence. I understand that writing should be likened to travelling on a smooth road with appropriate punctuations as road signs however my writing style can be compared to a pot-hole filled road with broken signs. The ride might be a tad bit rougher than you expected but the end result is the same - you reach the same destination. So I do genuinely apologize for my short comings in the world of literature, I can only hope that from here I will get better. *fingers crossed*

Anyhow, I received a great epiphany of a hobby that I should undertake within the near future.

I reached this resolution today as I went to the grocery store looking for string/green beans. I found them but it was so expensive. Then it hit me like the anvil hitting unsuspecting Coyote in Looney Tunes.

Revelation: To make a vegetable garden.

Why should I have to buy my own vegetables when I can just grow my own? Also, it would be a fun project to undertake. Granted the 'fun' is entirely up to me. I am looking forward to seeing this dream come into life.

Acknowledgements.

I would like to use this space to thank those who helped me in reaching this conclusion. First and foremost to my Heavenly Father for providing the anvil. Secondly, to my best friend Andrea for being a great example as she is endeavoring to create her own little herb garden. She is even going to crown her wonderful project with a beautiful addition of Lavender. I am excited to see the garden of grandeur she will produce. I would also like to thank the future persons who will contribute to my vegetable garden. I can only assume that they will include the assistance from my siblings as well as the possible dictatorship from my dearest mother and grandmother. Help may also include those who will give me valuable information into the nurturing of my vegetables and possibly even providing me with my first seeds, sprouts and what not. Thank you all.

I am looking forward to this project but I understand that all things are never for sure but I can be comforted by this scripture that my siblings and I read last night:

He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding. - Proverbs 12:11

Personal Interpretation.

I believe that this verse means that one who works hard on his own land or in his own job will be satisfied with what he reaps. However, one who is easily caught up in the dreams of 'get rich quick' schemes will eventually find out that all he has understood is disappointment. So if I work hard in my little garden I can be assured that my hard work will yield results. That being said, if the end result is not a favorable one I can come out with the understanding of how to grow crops or how not to grow crops.

As President Thomas S. Monson says:

Working Will Win When Wishy Washy Wishing Won't.

So I leave you with the understanding that I will do my best to bring this idea into the realm of reality or as easily expressed by one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis:

In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing.

Strange

You always look back on life and can pick out the incidences that occurred that changed your life or your outlook on it. However, only rarely do you notice these changes as they are happening. This week is one of those rare occasions.

My parents left for a week and decided to leave the children under my care. This is the usual chain of commands. I have always looked after my siblings because I am the oldest. However, this time was different. It might be a collaboration of taking care of my siblings and maybe watching No Ordinary Family by ABC Family. Or it could be the week of cleaning the house and nursing my siblings back to good health. Or it could quite possibly be this coursing thirst I have acquired for power since I have been barking orders at my fellow subordinates. I highly doubt that the latter has contributed much to the change I have felt.

These are my feelings: I love my siblings and it has been great looking after them. I feel like I have a good grip on the differences between a mother figure and a sister figure. I feel like I will be a good mother. However, this is not the outlook on life that has prompted my blog writing. In fact, it is something much more deeper to me.

Somehow throughout this week I have developed feelings of actually wanting to be a mother and to raise a family. Not just the knowledge that I could make a good mother but the desire to be one.

Strange.